Chapter#3 "I got Crushed"

Chapter#3

“I got crushed”

 

Karan wasn’t the same person; he became more focused and dedicated to his career and less laidback. He got into the course he wanted in UK and packed his bags for two years abroad. I joined him for the vacation between my Boards and Degree College. Purab was also on vacation with his parents. He didn’t have a cell phone yet, so we were totally out of touch for a while.

London- my itinerary was clear- All top tourist spots then a week or two in Europe and then back home to apply for colleges. Karan had the freedom of exploring these places at his pace as he was going to be in London for two whole years. I had to cramp up my schedule for all I wanted to do.

Karan teased that I was acting like an over enthusiastic Indian tourist, but I was and I had no shame in admitting it. Dad had sent us as soon as my exams ended, Karan’s course was to start many months later. I think he just needed us to be safe and free. It was the first time for both of us to travel alone internationally. Karan was busy eyeing pretty air hostesses and other ladies on flight and I was deep into planning how I wanted to spend each day. I didn’t want to waste a single day. He would show me one pretty girl and my scale always was “not better than Shyla”. We as a family were not trying to ignore her topic, for us she always would be a member of our family. I bet Dad would be telling his grandkids how they almost had a different mother!

This time Karan, showed me a real pretty girl (prettier than Shyla) but my response was the same unenthusiastic no.

“What do you know!” he finally sneered “you are in bad mood because you are missing your boyfriend” he made a face referring to Purab.

“I am not; I intend to enjoy my vacation!”

“Oh yes, you are, you are so hung up on him!” Karan could really get irritating sometimes.

“I am not” I just mumbled, totally immersed in my Lonely Planet travel guide. There was no point arguing with Karan in such mood.

“Tell me, do you love him?” he asked next.

How did I always fall into such conversations? I didn’t reply.

So Karan like the son of Deepak Chopraish mom he was, replied to his own question.

“You know, High School is over, and there would be new jerks to meet in college, so don’t just stick to him because he saved your ass from being called a lesbian”

Where did that come from? I was offended.

“Karan, please give it a rest, that’s not the only reason I am with him”

“Then say you love him!”

“Karan I am seven fucking teen! What do you expect me to be? Be like Rose and be eternally in love with Jack!” It was the Titanic I was referring to which was the most talked about film for wrong reasons obviously, then. And it was the lingo we picked up from cable TV where we tried to insert the F word at appropriate places. I think I nailed it.

“Then dump him” he suggested and kept staring at me for an answer. One thing I learned in past year was to not respond to bullshit. So I kept silent.

Purab- a person who had been by my side for nearly two years. We had shared endless teas in college canteen and with those endless stories. He had progressed from wearing mismatched clothes, oiling his hair and wearing day/night specs to decent clothes, nice hair and cool specs. I had grown from being offended and socially awkward to confident and don’t-give-a crap attitude, all because of him. We had grown together in the time we were together. I learnt a lot from him and I hope he did too. But, where was the spark?

Yes a teenaged girl had said yes to him because all my friends were in relationships and I didn’t want to be labelled as someone I was not. It took me another few years of growing up to be okay with the concept of homosexuality, before that the word was plain offensive. And to be honest Purab had saved me from being made fun of school. I was just too comfortable around him and missed the things I read in books (Stupid MBs) which said my heart should miss a beat when I saw him, current should run down my spine when he touched me and overall I should be a nut case. But I wasn’t. I was just a normal girl hanging out with a guy with as much ease as I had when I was with Karan. There were two possibilities, either the books were over rated or what Karan said was true. I wasn’t in love as my heart never missed a beat when I saw Purab.

But then it did. It missed not one but many beats. I sighed and suddenly I was too conscious of myself. Why didn’t I freshen up before walking out of the airport! My hair was a mess and my clothes were all wrinkled up. Shit! I even could have bad breath! And I was standing in front of the most immaculately dressed, most handsome man (not boy, this time) I had ever seen, better than Arjun Rampal on whom I already had a huge melon sized crush on. But Arjun Rampal never made me as conscious of myself as this person did, and he wasn’t even looking at me. He was shaking hands with Karan, enquiring about his flight and I was standing like a wet kitten beside Karan.

I could just hear my heart leaping out if my chest even when Karan introduced me to him. I had no idea why I was so affected and I sincerely hoped no one would notice my flamed cheeks.  The person having that effect on me was Alekh.

"How was the flight?" He was looking at me and expecting an answer and all I could hear was the thud of my heart. Was I supposed to reply? Words were forming in my brain but my lips refused to move.

"Good" I heard a low pitch squeaky mumble which was my voice.

Karan covered up for me though.

"She couldn't sleep the whole way, First time way from family and friends and boyfriend, you see" He enunciated the last relation as he guided me out of the airport with a hand on the small of my back.

"I can understand" the Greek God said and vanished to get his car as we waited.

Karan was giving me a strange look and I still had to find my bearings.

"That was fast" he said at last.

"What?" I feigned ignorance as I made a feeble attempt to straighten my hair and started looking for my lip gel in my purse.

"You taking my advice" he said “By the way, he is my age"

I did a quick calculation even as I prepared to defend myself. I didn't need to, apparently I was too obvious.

"Don't sweat it" Karan said even before I opened my mouth. “I can very well make out when my little sis gets a crush"

Our conversation was cut short with Alekh returning back. I was in the back seat as we started our long journey from the airport to our place of stay. Karan and Alekh were discussing their plans and I was trying to stay awake as well as seem presentable. Occasionally, Alekh would look into the rear view mirror at me and my heart would again skip a beat. He made small talk with me, and I think I responded at the right places but all I could hear was the beating of my heart. I also was aware of the hard time Karan would give me later.

So that's how it was supposed to feel if I had to go by the romance novels written by countless LA females. The only thing differentiating Alekh and the heroes of the novels I had read was that Alekh was very friendly not like the brooding ones in the novels.

We were staying with his family; his father was my Dad's childhood friend, the one who sent my Dad wines from French vineyards. They were school friends and neighbours in my Dad's hometown and inseparable till their graduation. Later, his dad left for higher education abroad, met a French girl and settled in UK. We were often told stories of their Sholay-isque friendship as kids. As soon as we were shown our rooms, Karan entered mine after me and as anticipated started lecturing me.

I was too tired to entertain him, but just to placate him, I told him I would try to behave. Not that he was disturbed by my behaviour, he was just embarrassed. Maybe he believed that if I was that obvious Alekh would have noticed too. Anyway, now that Alekh wasn't in audible or visible distance to me, my brain was taking the control back from my stupid heart and the hormone high teenager was seeing some sense. I had to calm myself and order my heart to see some sense why would a handsome grownup guy like him be interested in me! That logic seemed to work on me as I regained temporary control over my over racing heart.

Lessons learnt that day were the acute awareness of my heart beating in my chest, the rush of blood in my veins, and the ringing in my ears! It sounds exaggerated as I remember it now, but never had I felt such emotions and never did I feel them again, ever! I think that's what seventeen does to you. Takes you in the bottom of the earth’s centre into a dark tunnel and awakens you to yourself. It shows you how beautiful love could be or how could one person become your epicentre making you feel tremors all over your being. I wasn't the dry, shy Kiera anymore; I was this happy, alive girl too aware of my own existence. That's the joy of first love or crush or whatever.

I woke up hours later, calm and composed, a little bit of sleep had made me forget the first effect of my first encounter and now as I lay awake in my bed, I could hear some noises from the kitchen below. My first instinct was to ignore the voices and go back to sleep but then the practical Kiera gave herself the project of being "un-affected" and the only way I could do that was by "over-exposing" myself to the root cause of my discomfort. I peeped into Karan’s room as I made way downstairs. He was still snoring. 

I could hear some laughter as I stood at the doorway of the kitchen. A bulky man was sitting at the table in the centre of the room and Alekh had his back towards me as he was busy cooking something. I cleared my throat to attract attention and his father stood up.

Rajveer Uncle, as we used to call him since our childhood. We had seen pictures of him with our father. Black and white pictures of him with Dad in the famous ear locks of 70s and printed shirts with flannel pants on a Rajdoot.  The man facing me now was a grownup version of that pictures but I could not see a single similarity. The man in the pictures was lanky and the one facing me was a hefty, taller than average, statuesque person who demanded respect. He was wearing a costly suit and his personality was such that I was scared a bit. He got up to engulf me in a bear hug and apologized for not being able to pick us up from the airport. Even his voice suited his persona. He had that deep baritone which I had till date only heard on Amitabh Bacchan.

"So, How was the flight?" he asked again.

"Good" I replied to be polite but then Alekh interrupted

"Not really Baba" he said looking at me " Karan said she is missing her parents and boyfriend" He repeated what Karan had told him with a wink at me!

He was teasing me!

Rajveer uncle let out a hearty laugh at that and began dialling a number saying he can fix it.

I spent the next few minutes talking to Dad in which I could see Alekh was looking at me.

"No other calls?" he enquired as soon as I disconnected.

"Karan was only kidding" I spurted out.

He made a sound between "Mm...Hmm" and "Hmm" and got back to his cooking. The sound I got so used to in the coming years and the sound that would immediately calm me as I shared my frustrations with him in coming years. Just an "Mm...Hmm" from him and I would know that I am going to be fine, that there is someone who listens and who knows. It’s funny how one can fall in love with minor character traits.

We spent the next few hours chatting about anything under the sun and I am sure I was acting normal, the initial effect had worn off and he was just another person now.

We were making plans for the next day, when Karan joined us. Now I had always placed Karan in the top five good looking guys, but he seriously needed some grooming. Here were Rajveer Uncle and Alekh so immaculate even in the kitchen doing everyday chores like cooking and in walks Karan with ruffled hair and super short shorts. He however was rightly brought up by my parents as he greeted Rajveer uncle by touching his feet. We continued having small talk and Alekh served us dinner which from an unbiased view was amazing.

"Do you cook, always?" I asked as my way of making small talk but Rajveer uncle replied for him.

"Not always, he stays in college dorm, only comes down for the weekend, that too not always. Other days, it’s just an old man living alone."

"Don't be melodramatic baba" Alekh interrupted him "Say that to your running buddies, Old man, you are no way old"

"That reminds me, Karan your dorm is also the same as him, you both start classes together, but you have to see which courses you guys have in common, Why don't you go see the college tomorrow with him and I will take Kiera out for some sight-seeing"

He made plans for all of us, the way elders do. Even before Karan could nod a yes. Alekh suggested another plan.

"You don't bother old man, we can take Kiera with us and straight from college tour we youngsters will have fun, she will be bored with you."

And that's how I was a part of the plan with Karan and Alekh.

I had that moment of two Keiras splitting inside me and standing in the mirror in front of me as I dressed for the outing next day. The Kiera in black said, Alekh loves you, he made plans for you. The one in white said, "You have a boyfriend, damn it"

I dressed with support from both of them in a jeans and tee as suggested by the White Kiera and put on a hint of makeup on orders from Black Kiera! And obviously, Karan would not let it go unnoticed!

"Seriously" he reacted as he saw me walking in high heels out of my room.

"Shut up" I ignored him.

"Kiera, of all stupidities you have done till date, this tops the list!" he exclaimed as we climbed down the stairs.

“Name one stupidity I did” I challenged him and just to infuriate him, listed his-

“Getting drunk till throwing up for fresher’s party, I cleared.” I started counting on my fingers, “Losing the gold chain Dad passed you on from Grandpa, I shared my pocket money for replacement”, “ Letting Shyla go”

He stopped me at it with a wave of his hand.

" Alright. Who am I to stop you, let me do the ground check, but just tell me one thing is this a holiday fling or do I hear wedding bells?"

I really didn't know how to respond to his charade. This was Karan, always looking out for me. And always over preparing when it came to me. If he had even applied ten percent of this planning to his life, Shyla would be a part of our family.

"I don't know, what you are talking about" I responded as we joined Alekh near his car. All my plans of regaining control over my brain failed as I saw him leaning effortlessly against the hood. He was casually dressed in jeans and a chequered shirt. So what was it that made me so physically aware of him again? He looked up as he saw us and smiled. Was it the Ray bans? I had no answer, but what is it with guys and sun glasses? The Sun glasses always up the sexy quotient by a factor of 1000. I balanced on my high heels and he opened the door for me. How chivalrous! Karan rolled his eyes as I sat. I knew the ride would be hell, as Karan was on a mission of extracting information from Alekh and I wasn't disappointed. Karan started his interview and I think by now Alekh felt that both of us were crazy.

"You like it here?" was Karan's first question and Alekh was confused.

"You mean London?" he asked.

"Yeah"

"Well, it’s nice I am born here, raised here, so yeah. It’s okay" he gave a small laugh. "You, tell me how’s India?" he added a question of his own and I am sure Karan wanted to give as short a reply as possible so that he could continue questioning him.

"It’s cool" Karan replied and was contemplating his next question but Alekh was a better conversationalist

"Yeah! Good to hear, Baba told me something about some problem you guys had with some local goons, that true?"

I looked up and Karan stiffened. My dad seriously had no boundaries when it came to Rajveer uncle. It seemed like Rajveer uncle knew all details of our lives.

"I am sorry if I should not have said that, it’s none of my business anyway" Alekh continued based on our reaction.

"No that's fine" Karan replied, "Dad worries too much. Everything is fine."

"Mm...Hmm" his signature reply was back and I looked up at him in the rear view mirror.

"So Kiera, Shiven Uncle told me you have a list of places you want to visit" he asked me still looking at me through the mirror. I could just see his grey-blue eyes and even they were sufficient.

"I do" I said and pictured a church which made me smile. I was a Gemini and usually my mind would race faster than a jet engine to unthinkable circumstances.

He turned back to look at me in response to my chortle.

"Nothing" I replied.

"What’s on the list?" was his next question and I replied with few of the places I wanted to be at and he gave his suggestions of what to expect where. Karan jumped in the conversation as soon as he could and tried to return to his agenda.

"Kiera doesn't need to rush, Am sure she will come to visit me for the next two years"

"If you invite me" I said.

"Don't worry, if he doesn't I would" Alekh said and I blushed. I think he was just being a good host but the black clad split version of me made me believe otherwise.

"See Kiera, you need not worry! But someone back home needs to" Karan teased me again.

"Who? Her boyfriend?' Alekh asked.

"Oh yeah, Nice chap, he is on vacation with his family. Dad likes him a lot too." Karan continued.

I have had instances of irritation against my brother but that was my first instance of deep rooted hatred against him. I didn't want to respond so I sat there fuming. I was giving up. This time Karan looked back at me and I don't know what got into him but he started telling Alekh the story of how that mean girl had started a rumour of me being lesbian and how Purab proposed. There’s a reason why people prefer keeping a distance with their siblings and this was it. They know all the embarrassing truths of growing up and aren't ashamed to bring them up at the most inappropriate situations. Alekh just kept smiling and was quite frankly enjoying my ordeal.

"But seriously Kiera, High school boyfriends don't really carry on to college, statistically!" he declared.

"That’s what I keep telling her!" Karan joined him and I was left wondering when my personal life became a topic of group discussion. And the worst part was I couldn't even defend my so-called relationship with Purab.

"I don't even know where my high school girlfriend is today" Alekh said and that put Karan back on track.

"See, Kiera" he said "I told you! He has a new girlfriend now"

"I didn't say that" Alekh said a bit too soon according to the black version of me.

"No girlfriend then?" Karan asked again" Am sorry if I am too personal though, in my defence I just had a bad breakup" he added.

"No girlfriend" Alekh said.

Karan turned back to look at me and his eyes said "mission accomplished"

"No time or not interested?" Karan asked next.

Alekh's face turned serious as he replied, "Frankly, after Mom died, Baba is taking up most of my time"

We knew that his mom passed away an year back, both of us didn't know how to react even as he continued. "I only come home the weekends, and he is drinking way too much, so don't know how much justice I can do to a new relationship" he looked back at me through the mirror as he said this.

This time the white clad me told me to let it rest, to back off, to stop expecting.

But my brother didn't give up.

"I can understand, Dad told us about him. But what about Arjun? Can't he live with Rajveer uncle?"

He asked.

Alekh gave a short laugh, what started as the most  fun and idiotic conversation of my life turned serious “They don't get along; he lives with my maternal grandfather in Nantes.”

“That’s the East Coast of France” he continued reading our blank expressions. “I only see him once in three months. SO yup! It’s up to me. Tough job, keeping both Baba and him under one roof, I am sure I will only waste someone’s time if I start a new relationship" I swear he looked again at me.

So I was too obvious and I was so rejected and crushed. I didn't know how to react and this time Linkin Park saved me.

"I love that song, Can you turn that up?" I said as the car radio started playing one of the biggest hit of last year,

"One thing I don’t know why

It doesn’t even matter how hard I try....

...I tried so hard and got so far... In the End it doesn't even matter"